Shit has happened

I have an enlarged left ovary. The ER (long story. suffice it to say that you don't need to know how they get the contrast material into you for an appendix CT scan) said it was a cyst, but my NP wanted to check. Grumble,grumble, etc. Went in for an ultrasound. Pelvic ultrasounds are NOT FUN when you're female.

Turns out that the radiologist didn't get the results back in time for my NP to review them before the long weekend, so I'm stuck. Waiting until Tuesday to find out WTF is up with my ladybits. The odd of it being just a cyst are very, very good. I know this. I also know that nearly every woman gets an ovarian syst at some point in her life. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm flipped the fuck out. Not sleeping tonight hasn't exactly helped, either.

Health Care

I'm lucky. Even though I'm uninsured, I managed to get into a sliding fee program at a local clinic - and the clinic has an amazing discount pharmacy. Admittedly, I see an LPN more than I see a doctor, but my particular LPN/doc combo rock like crazy and I love them. They've both been extremely supportive and caring in a difficult time.

The thing is, not everyone is so lucky. There are millions, if not hundreds of millions, of people in this country who go without even basic care because it's TOO fracking EXPENSIVE! How, exactly, can we claim the US is an enlightened country when people die every day because they can't afford their medication or their insurance company denied a necessary procedure? The system is broken.

Figuring out how to fix it is a little bit above my pay grade, but I've been hearing good things about the program in Massachusetts, where everyone is required to carry health insurance, either through work or through the state, with heavy subsidies for the poor. We have to at least try to get this fixed. If nothing else, so we can look at our collective reflection in the mirror every morning.

I give up

Hauled my ass out of bed at waaaay to fucking early o'clock this morning to see the doc. She confirmed my suspicions: Not only are my sinuses infected, my back is torn to shit, too. Stress turns me into SUCH a fucking klutz! So, I have painkillers and antibiotics and muscle relaxants, along with strict orders to stay the fuck in bed for a couple of days. Luckily, SisterB is home for a few days, and she can stay with mom and dad. Fun times!

Mom is putting off the Hospice discussion - she's trying to work up the nerve to broach the subject with dad. Who, btw, is looking 100% better today than yesterday. He was actually trimming junipers when I got home! he also ate a whole cup of yogurt - might not seem like a lot, but it's more than he's eaten in a good long while.

The gods have no fucking sense of proportion

Dad didn't get out of his (outpatient) blood transfusion until midnight. We got him up the stairs, got our books together, and headed to Meijer to grab some food on the Bridge card. Get checked out, and the self scanner machine spits out a receipt for a bout double what our actual order was. The math worked, the time stamp was plausible... Long story short, I got a leeetle bit bitchy at the clerk. When I apologized after checking the balance on our card, she just told me, "Girl, I didn't pay you no mind." We're late night regulars at that particular store, to the point where this clerk comments if she sees us during the day. So very, very glad she wasn't offended.

We get home, hauling our crap up the stairs, and find that grandma's front door is wide open. Had to wake her up to make sure everything was okay. It was. Yay.

So now, it's ass early and we have to go get dad down the steps again because heaven forefend they scedule a decent amount of time between transfusions... The only silver lining in thie particular cloud is that my parents have a memory foam mattress topper. I might actually get some sleep.

You know you're having a bad week when...

You start bawling in front of the UPS guy when he asks how your dad is doing. The UPS guy who works my parents route is great. He's one of the coolest guys I know. And while I wouldn't call him a family friend, exactly, he's cool. And he asked how Dad is, and I started crying. I fucking hate cancer. HATE it.

ETA: Dad's in the hospital AGAIN - outpatient for more blood and platelets. They're not going to look at the bladder infection until after he's through the course of levaquin. So, fun!

This is why I love the internet

I just had a brain flash - what if Dad's reaction last night was a rejection of the blood transfusion he got for low white cell count? I did teh googles, and no, it wasn't. Yay!

If only I'd done teh googles when Hubby couldn't string two words together (migraine aura), it would have saved us a trip to the ER!

It's a minefield out there

After Dad finished dry heaving, and after the 'if it gets worse, I don't care what you want, I'm dragging your ass to the ER' conversation (Dad and I are a lot alike - we both sometimes need a kick in the arse to do what needs done), Mom and I played a very relaxing game of Scrabble - relaxing because I won by something like 100 points). I could feel a tension headache lurking in my neck on the drive over, but figured helping the trees grow and getting my arse kicked at Scrabble would help relax me. HA! HA, I say!

So I was a pretty unhappy camper when Mom asked me to go shopping for her and gave me enough money for my xanax and firornal. Target andMeijer were both filled with screeching kids, team member radios squawking, the whole nine yards. To add insult to injury, my blood sugar crashed BIG TIME in the checkout line. Happy fun times! I got some McD's, went home, tried to play some more Scrabble (had to concede when I got something like my fifth round of NO FUCKING VOWELS!). The 'migraine' was so bad that trying to watch numb3rs literally amde me sick. The flickering... Have been alternating fiornal and vikes for a few hours, that's taken the edge off.

I think I'm going to throw up

Literally. Dad's not taking the levaquin so well. Or the levaquin's not taking well to some of the other crap in his system - whichever, he slept until almost five, and has been dry heaving since then, with a hellish nosebleed. We're thinking about bundling him up and dragging him to the ER.

Some days you're the pigeon...

And today, I'm the statue. Found out day before yesterday that a good SCA friend passed - colon cancer. And today i find out that dad has an infection and low white cell count. He's getting ready for a trandfusion now. Fun.

I don't get migraines

I get tension headaches that mimic migraines to the extent that the sound of typing this post makes me wince. But they're not migraines! Cheezus god, deliver us from bullshit.

Saw a counselor today, it really helped. Cried a lot, but that's kind of the point. Then I got to haul Grandma Cs slow ass all over town - no, no, I couldn't drop her off at home and get her things, she had to go to the store with me. Nearly fell at least three times, nearly giving me a heart attack each time. Because if she went down, I would too, and i get the feeling that would hurt like fuck.

A PSA

Cipro is EVIL. Do not take it unless you have no other choice. I went to the Oak Street MediCenter on Saturday (1.17) with an ear infection. The doc confirmedit, gave me vicodin and Cipro, and I tottered out. I took three doses. Let me run down my reactions:

1. Insomnia. Not just my normal no sleeping. I took enough vicodin, melatonin, and Tylenol PM to knock out a rhino. NO SLEEP.
2. Anxiety. My anxiety is pretty well controlled at this point. I have some panic due to stress, but that's normal. Hubby found me in bed, tearing at my arm with my nails. This is NOT NORMAL for me!
3. Muscle/ligament/tendon pain. After three doses, I knew damn well that something wasn't right. I call the doc, got a scrip for amoxycillin on Monday, 1.20. My hips were aching a little bit. By Thursday, I could barely walk. Now, I'm not the most athletic bird in the universe, but there's no fucking way that I would go from being able to walk, climb stairs, dance, etc to hobbling around like and arthritic turtle with pain in EVERY FUCKING JOINT. Saw the doc on Thursday, he told me that since I caught the bad reaction early, there's a very good chance the joint damage will heal. Lovely.

I am feeling better, but this drug has an FDA-mandated black box warning about joint damage! It can cause hallucinations, permanant hearing/taste damage, and permanent joint problems. Giving it to someone with no history of resistant ear infections is like using a nuclear bomb to kill a gnat.

I feel like a zombie

I had to go see my doctor yesterday for renewals on my anxiety and sleep meds. Luckily, (or not) that was the day I started trying to cough up a lung. I've also got a sinus infection, but the doc gave me that wonderfule cough syrup with the codiene. I'm gonna go to sleep now...

No news

Okay, there's lots of news, but I'm still feeling like crap, so not tonight. Maybe tomorrow...

Because everything was going so well...

The gods decided to smack me upside the head. I've been having horrible cramping sensations in my chest on and off for almost three years - it would come and go and the only thing that would help was muscle relaxants or heavy-duty pain meds. I assumed it was anxiety, but I've been on the Paxil for nine months now, and I'm still having it. So I gave up and went to the doc, who diagnosed me with... Acid reflux. And since the Nexium he gave me actually seems to be working, I'm'a have to go with that as well. This is evidently a family thing - my dad has it really bad. Joy.